I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
