I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
