i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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