if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
