i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Then you guys just all showered together...?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
