My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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