i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
