she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
