I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
