Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
