her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
