Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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