I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
