yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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