At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
