Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
