Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
