yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
