Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
