So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
