What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
