theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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