R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
