My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
