puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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