It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
