Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize