I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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