Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
