i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
