Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The air was thick with penises
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize