i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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