Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
this boner is exhausting
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
