yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
