When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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