apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
