Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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