Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
