CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
