I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
