I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
