Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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