The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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