It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
