We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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