Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
