can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
