I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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