no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
