were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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