just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
