how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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