omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
