I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
All the doctor said was why
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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