I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I love having hate sex.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
