I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
