dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
