I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Dick very happy bro
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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