he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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