It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
