Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I want a musical about memes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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