I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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