now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize