I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
