He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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