Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
