yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
