he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
