Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
