Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
