Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
