I hope mine doesn't look like that
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
