she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Its about making memories worth repressing
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
