Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
