we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Someone came in the potted fern
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
