im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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