he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
