Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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