I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
