Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
