I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
