I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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