I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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