So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am one with the molecules
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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